A Mindful Mommy in Progress

It's been about 2 weeks or so and things are .. moving.  My fiance and I had a candid conversation last week that I feel very pleased with.  I was able to clearly describe what's bringing on the change and relay in a way she was able to relate.  We agreed on quite a number of changes in our own behavior and things we wanted to work on with Elijah (who by the way is doing well). We've had a few .. snafu's here and there but nothing major.  I must admit that with sleep down to a BARE minimum and overall noise level at an all time high, I have a hard time keeping control of my frustration at times.  I've decided to set aside solo meditation and a quick stretch session to remedy that struggle.

Elijah is a self aware, talkative, inquisitive, bright, and rambunctious boy and I have to say that I can't always call the perfect "Mindful Mommy" way to handle the things that he throws at me.  Like the saying (sometimes screaming) NO and "I don't want to."  There are times when I'm right on the money and I can divert his attention from the tantrum and get him moving in the direction I need him to go.  Other times, he's on the floor in a fit and I'm right over him saying "I don't care Elijah, you WILL do what I said!"  When I look back at situations where I know I handed over control of my behavior I feel terrible.  I feel like we're still in the "building a bridge" phase and each time I revert it's like taking a hammer to all the hard work we've all put in.  I hate feeling like I've had to dominate or bully him into doing something and I ESPECIALLY hate when I see hints of fear/concern flash in his eye when he sees my anger flare up.

Through this I've been doing an insane amount of reading and I stumbled across an explanation of a 4 year olds vocabulary and how they process sentences (which translates into instructions and directions).  A 4 year olds brain does not process a sentence as fast as an adult can spit one out and rarely do that fully understand EVERY word.  Elijah has started to ask more and more questions about words.  Things like "What's ACTUALLY mean" "What does possibly mean" "What does apparently mean?"  And all of these words I've realized are things that we say to him regularly and expect him to fully grasp some life lesson we're trying to teach.  I've been avidly working on not taking the things that he says personally (and applying good intention) because it's typically me (or adults overall) that attaches a direct negative intention to most of what he says/does.  I'm a Mindful Mommy in progress.

Overall I think we're doing.. pretty well.  We've spent a long 5 days all cooped in this house together trying to all have fun (didn't manage to do some of our ideas.. weather .. time .. etc) and remain sane.  So I can say I've had to give us a break.  Lol.  Once reading has officially started I think we'll be grand. :-)

Now ... I've decided to close this with a few MM Takeaways and information. Side Note: I just read "Reading is like the hospital for your brain."  Dope right? Onward -->

Current Reading:
Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline: The 7 Basic Skills for Turning Conflict into Cooperation by Becky A. Bailey, Ph.D.

 Intentions:
5 quiet minutes after I wake up (however I get them .. lol).
Spend more time doing things with Elijah that he wants to do.
Share more love.
Apply positive intentions.
Greet the sun everyday.
Sleep before 1 AM (I figured that was a good start).
Balance.